Coping With Divorce: How Parents Can Best Help Their Children

As your children's parents, you have the opportunity to set the tone for how they're going to deal with your divorce from the very moment you first tell the kids about your separation. Whether your decision to be apart is startlingly fresh, or you're already several months into the healing process, these tips will help you support your children as they're coping with divorce and family change.

1. Be Open, Approachable, and Honest
   The best thing you can do for your kids right now it to be there for them physically and emotionally. In other words, be someone they can trust. When responding to their questions, be as honest as you can without passing along details that are either inappropriate, or that your children are not ready to hear. Remember, too, that you must never speak negatively about one another to your children. It destroys their trust in you and puts them in the middle of your conflict.

   More:

   • How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce
   • Questions Your Kids Will Ask About the Divorce
   • Questions Your Kids Will Ask About the Departing Parent

2. Allow Your Children to Express Their Feelings
   This is a critical step in assisting children who are coping with divorce. Realize, though, that they may be reluctant to share, for fear of upsetting you or hurting your feelings. If they'd rather not open up, try not to take that personally. Instead, make every effort to have an open mind and let your children know that they can come to you any time with their questions. Remember, too, to honor each child's differences, and realize that it will take time for them to process what's happening.

   More:

   • Coping With the Stages of Grief During Divorce
   • Five Ways to Help Your Angry Child

3. Continue to Parent Well
   Do not make the mistake of going soft on your kids right now. Even though they're coping with divorce and change right now, they truly need continued boundaries, discipline, and expectations. In fact, being consistent and following through sends your kids the message that you believe they're capable of handling this.

   More:

   • Setting Ground Rules With Your Kids
   • Strategies for Effective Discipline

4. Collaborate With Your Co-parent
   One of the very best things you can do for your kids right now is to learn to collaborate with one another. It's imperative that the two of you put your differences aside for the sake of your kids. Recognize that it will take time to establish an effective "working relationship," but it is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids while they're coping with divorce and upheaval.

   More:

   • Rebuild Trust With Your Ex
   • Consistent Co-parenting Tips
   • Co-parenting Meetings

5. Develop a Support Network
   This is a step that you must not ignore. Even if you have to hire a babysitter occasionally in order to get some time to yourself or get together with a supportive friend, do it. Taking care of yourself in this way will help you as you're coping with the divorce yourself and dealing with your own feelings of loss. This is important because the more you're able to cope well, the more you can also help your children cope with the effects of the divorce.

   More:

   • Getting Through the First Year
   • Carving Out Some "Me Time"
   • Avoid Single Parenting Burnout